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Critique Me





SteveJones313 (73.0)
On Your CommandIt's like a sword in my heart
Twisting with every day that passes
Just turning and slicing endlessly
Until it halts on your command.
It's like an ocean that drags you in
And drowns you, filling your lungs
Crushing your body and your hopes
Until it lets me go on your command.
It's like an endless hunger,
That makes me cry in agony
And my stomach turns constantly,
Until I am fed on your command.
It is a silence in my mind,
Louder than any noise around me;
The haunting absence of your voice,
Broken only on your spoken command.
Stab me, drown me, starve me
I die in every moment of silence
How can a loving heart beat a pulse
Without the sound of your command?
Let me live.
Let me survive.
Let me see tomorrow's dawn.
Command my heart to beat.
I Can Hear The Piano PlayI hear the piano playing.
A soft melody of most gentle notes,
A score that reaches the most deaf of men
And merits tears from so heavily guarded hearts.
How bitter-sweet the harmony is,
That such beautiful chords,
Should be the anthem of the tragedy;
The tide of the river of tears.
The rippling effects of sadness,
Told by a devastating graceful melody.
Every man knows the price of Spring;
For new life to grow from the ashes of Winter,
The fallen brethren of the Autumn death
Must be wept upon by the Heavens.
Cry, Heavens, cry. Shed your sad tears.
For life is not without its tragedy;
Just as death is not without some hope.
The tears fall to the keys of the piano,
As they dance with the grace of ballet;
Each note though played oft'
Sounds with a new heartfelt presence,
The snowflakes of the sad score.
Perfect and unique; the cold tears of sweet music.
And I know that one day,
I will hear the final chords play,
But the river continues to flow,
And so we continue with the show.
I know that
The Old Man and the Girl in RedThe fireplace lit the room with an auburn glow as its heat barely stroked the tips of the old man's fingers as he sat hunched over in his arm chair, his old withered hands resting on the crown of his cane. His hair was long and as aged white as old parchment, as was his unkempt beard that covered some of his worn face. Each wrinkle - a scar of time - decorated his face as wounds of a war that all men would inevitably lose. He wore a long, dark blue gown, tied at the waste with his legs covered with smart trousers and his feet kept warm with plain black socks and slippers of cotton. He gazed into the fire as tongues of flame licked the air, crackling as it offered its heat on a most cold winter night. The door creaked open, the aged hinges and wood moaning loudly under the strain of movement. Slowly, a young, beautiful woman entered the room; her emerald eyes and sunshine hair were such strangers in the dark, lonely room. Her skin was as smooth as silk to the touch and her form brought This is Who We AreWe are such a complex lot; our brains try to understand our brains and we hold things dear such as conscience and souls and love and yet these things both exist and don't. We hold to the magic of Science and the science of Magic. We hold to our guns as tightly as we hold the loved ones we lost to a bullet.
This is who we are.
We are the doodles of the universe; small, silly, beautiful things that shine in the dullness, yet like stars we are only as bright as the small, silly, beautiful things we share this life with. So we should just all shine as bright as we can together and maybe, just maybe, if we all shine together bright enough, someone in the great ancient darkness will see us and be guided to us.
Or maybe they won't and we are alone, but even if we are, we will go out shining like a thousand suns.
And leave the universe a gift of a most beautiful echo.
Tides of MemoriesCan you hear the waves?
The tides of my mind shifting,
A once calm sea of tranquillity
Now waves of anxiety.
They wash away the marks in the sand
To leave their own mark.
To cure a scar with a scar
Is the folly of a broken mind.
I walk along the beach
With my mind beneath my feet;
The tides kiss my skin with cold lips
And it sends shivers through me.
Even the Sun can’t warm chilling memories.
You cannot dry a tear shed long ago,
Just as you can’t rewrite the song of yesterday’s lark.
I sit upon the sand
And the sea looks back at me;
How conflicted it must be,
As a gentle tide it embraces me,
Yet as a wave it suffocates me.
How sad that it can hold me and console me,
Yet I cannot offer it a shoulder to cry on.
But the tides are like that;
Waves of memories washing upon our minds,
Sometimes as warm, gentle strokes
And sometimes as cold, harsh crashing storms.
We have no say in how the dance goes.
And I cannot change the path of tides,
Just as I cannot carry the Sun in m

ArtisticPages (21.0)
.:Wanna Hug?:. by ArtisticPages.:Got Stars in My Eyes:. by ArtisticPagesJuly Creature Exchange .:starlightzs:. by ArtisticPagesOcto Doll by ArtisticPages

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- About Alice -





2935 Deviants have received 195090 watches, 191844 llamas, 436167 favorites, 20565 comments, 4006 critiques, and 9134 enrollments.

18185 Deviants have earned 173240 points.

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Comments


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:icondarklight-wraith:
Darklight-Wraith Featured By Owner 2 minutes ago
done
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 1 minute ago
Thanks for your time, Darklight-wraith! :dummy:

You've been given credit for 15 Llamas and 5 Favs for a total of 3.15 points!

Your activities page is hidden! If you gave comments and want credit for them, please unhide your activities.

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:iconrebel-night:
Rebel-Night Featured By Owner 6 minutes ago  Hobbyist General Artist
done 
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 6 minutes ago
Hey there, Rebel-night! :dummy:

You've been given credit for 9 Watches, 1 Llama, and 1 Fav for a total of 3.04 points!

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:icondarklight-wraith:
Darklight-Wraith Featured By Owner 6 minutes ago
#more llama
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 6 minutes ago
Remaining Llamas (Imperfect):
era-7 thexw-i-t-c-hxmaster lolipop1997 enzouke kittenlover1233 chicharia braiixen veevsi dreamdrifter91 piyoa andso br0kenp0nies hyun-sama mikanachan narutohidanlove sheviedge felizias chieflucarioofficer acidzombie6516 lordbuwaroelexion

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Reply
:icongirlybyme:
GirlyByMe Featured By Owner 14 minutes ago  New member
Done
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 14 minutes ago
Hey, Girlybyme! :D

You've been given credit for 2 Llamas for a total of 1.14 points!

1 of your recently posted comments failed to meet the Comment Guidelines criteria. Please refer to the Comment Guidelines journal for more information.

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- automated by Program Alice
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:icongirlybyme:
GirlyByMe Featured By Owner 25 minutes ago  New member
Done
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 25 minutes ago
I'm sorry, but you have not earned any full points. You've been given credit for 1 Watch and 4 Llamas for a total of 0.84 points.

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1 of your recently posted comments failed to meet the Comment Guidelines criteria. Please refer to the Comment Guidelines journal for more information.

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:icontokowh:
TokoWH Featured By Owner 25 minutes ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hai
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 25 minutes ago
I'm sorry, but you have not earned any full points. You've been given credit for 2 Llamas and 3 Favs for a total of 0.64 points.

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:iconlolyeditiones:
Lolyeditiones Featured By Owner 28 minutes ago
done
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 28 minutes ago
Welcome back, Lolyeditiones! :huggle:

You've been given credit for 8 Watches and 11 Llamas for a total of 3.75 points!

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:icontfalover89:
TFAlover89 Featured By Owner 29 minutes ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
#more
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 29 minutes ago
Remaining Watches:
thexw-i-t-c-hxmaster falassion damaged927 wairwulff lady-of-the-void 6syker6 mictoon ivory-ice whitestern jayerror

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Remaining Critiques:
stevejones313(5) artisticpages(4)

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literarypublications

Give Comments To:
cynpai era-7 miss-it-girl falassion damaged927 rapiermedia wairwulff kyasarinn lady-of-the-void creative2bit

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:iconcartoonfan135:
CartoonFan135 Featured By Owner 35 minutes ago
Done
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 35 minutes ago
Thanks for your time, Cartoonfan135! :huggle:

You've been given credit for 1 Llama and 4 Comments for a total of 4.45 points!

Think there was an error with Alice's calculations? Comment again on my profile to have Alice double-check your work.

- automated by Program Alice
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:iconjadestar142:
Jadestar142 Featured By Owner 38 minutes ago  New member Hobbyist Digital Artist
done
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 38 minutes ago
Welcome back, Jadestar142! :la:

You've been given credit for 18 Llamas and 8 Favs for a total of 3.7 points!

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- automated by Program Alice
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:icontomanystars:
tomanystars Featured By Owner 39 minutes ago  New member
done.
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 38 minutes ago
Hi, Tomanystars! :happybounce:

You've been given credit for 9 Favs for a total of 1.55 points!

1 of your recently posted comments failed to meet the Comment Guidelines criteria. Please refer to the Comment Guidelines journal for more information.

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:iconlolyeditiones:
Lolyeditiones Featured By Owner 50 minutes ago
done
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:icondatrade:
dATrade Featured By Owner 50 minutes ago
Hey, Lolyeditiones! :giggle:

You've been given credit for 6 Watches and 4 Llamas for a total of 2.09 points!

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:iconcreepyponylover:
creepyponylover Featured By Owner 55 minutes ago
Done
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