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Critique Me





DrunkenAntelope (1180.0)
FreewriteJamie’s boyfriend is lying half-conscious in a bath tub overflowing with an alarming mixture of water and blood, yet Jamie still can’t bring himself to call for an ambulance. Instead, he crawls into the tub himself and gently wraps his arms around Chris’s limp body.
“Does it hurt?”
Chris’s weak laugh comforts him for some reason, despite the blood that gushes from his wound at the movement and the pain-filled moan that comes afterwards.
“Obviously,” Chris says, wincing and closing his eyes as he does so. Blood trickles from his mouth. It seems like even the smallest of tasks has become near impossible for him.
“Do you want me to.. do anything? Can I help?”
It takes Chris a moment to reply. Jamie can feel his heartbeat slowing, his breaths becoming erratic. His eyes flutter back and forth between open and closed every few seconds as if he can’t manage to stay conscious.
“No… it’s fading.”
“F

ArtisticPages (235.0)
.:A Bad Case of the Munchies:. by ArtisticPages
vansc14 (223.0)
Abstract painting 500 by vansc14Abstract painting 533 by vansc14Abstract painting 498 by vansc14Abstract painting 525 by vansc14Abstract painting 534 by vansc14
ArtCrusade (6.0)
BTWToo many things are said 'by the way'
Professed by the way
Done by the way
Asked by the way
"By the way, Steve!
 Could you lend me some bucks?"
It's nothing
Just some money
You ask for favors
-- by the way
"By the way, Carol!
 Remember how you asked me
 To look after your dog?
 I didn't, he's dead!"
It's nothing
Just a dog
You asked for the favor
-- by the way 
"By the way, Marc!
 Dad's dead; 
 He died on Sunday in his sleep!"
It's nothing
Thursday has come and gone
You had work to do
-- by the way
All these things happen by the way
Are they of no concern?
Have we no spine
Or do we live
-- by the way?
Mad Man Steve, Ch. 3Now let us move back to where the story began;
After the Interloper punished Steve, the mad man.
Steve sat in the corner of his comfortable cell -
Not wearing a straitjacket, but also not feeling well.
Bruises were spread all over his face;
Red, blue and green, even purple in a case.
And though his nose was not quite straight,
Worse were his eyes which looked like closed gates.
But in spite of the inhuman maltreatment he received,
He somehow managed to look quite relieved.
He bared his teeth as if trying to smile,
A cough escaping him every once in a while.
"Better lose a few teeth than our chance to flee,"
Said the voice inside his head which was called 'Free'.
"That one is new," was all Steve could note,
But then another voice arose: "Can we have a vote?"
"Who the hell are you?" asked Free, the second voice.
With a sting of fate it replied: "My name is Choice."
Steve's eyes rolled around inside their swollen pits
As he pondered about why voice one had fallen into b
Mad Man Steve Ch.2Let us not dwell in that particular action and time,
For it truly stepped far over the line towards crime.
Let us rather see where poor Steve took his first steps,
In a small part of Germany which he would like to forget.
Back then he was merely a normal boy,
Though matchsticks already were his favourite toy.
Had he the chance he would snatch them from his dad,
A giant man who when drunk could get very mad.
But he cared not so long as he could enjoy his game
Of burning insects to ashes with the matchstick's flame.
It was a calm day in April, a soft breeze roamed the land,
When this little game got quite out of his hand.
Bored from burning ants and once even a butterfly
A piercing screech rose up towards the blue sky.
Upset, the villagers soon searched for the cause
Inside the forest, where Steve's hiding place was.
And what they found made them gasp in disbelief
As little Steve pulled up his burnt sleeves.
Before him layed the scorched corpse of miss Schmitz's cat;
An abhorrent stench
Mad Man Steve Ch.1Deep in the Black Forest there stands 
What some would call a nuthouse, mad man's land.
An asylum, in a less colloquial sense -
And one with particularily high fence,
Since the denizens are of the worst kind;
Snigger and snicker, out of their mind.
And one of those lunatics truly is sad,
For all he wants is see the world burn - just a tad.
"How unfair," the voice inside his mind replies
"That we cannot watch flames fly to the skies!"
This fellow, he writhed on the floor,
Lost in himself, all mad to the core.
And though his hands were firmly tied
His tongue was not; it spit, it lied. 
Through blisters it sang an ill chant
About an insect known as the fire ant:
"A fire, an ant 
 Can't live from scorched plants!
 And though it should not,
 It is its vile lot
 To be burnt to ashes
 Should it rest under my glasses!
 They will learn to know the beast never tame
 And stop badmouthing our name!"
Truly spoken, this man looked grotesque
As if he
Choka #1I am immortal
my words will never forget
what and who I was
even if burnt to ashes
and blown far away
by the ever-lasting wind
they pour down on earth and sprout

Critiquers





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:iconunexy:
UnExy 2 minutes ago  Professional Artist
#more
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:iconselian0:
Selian0 3 minutes ago  Student Digital Artist
done
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:iconunexy:
UnExy 4 minutes ago  Professional Artist
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I'm sorry, but your account currently does not meet the requirements for earning points at this account. Please refer to the Earning Points journal for more information.
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:iconselian0:
Selian0 5 minutes ago  Student Digital Artist
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:icondatrade:
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Thanks for your time, RaquelSchwarz! :giggle:

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:iconselian0:
Selian0 15 minutes ago  Student Digital Artist
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SolarTrees 26 minutes ago  Student Artist
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:iconsolartrees:
SolarTrees 36 minutes ago  Student Artist
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jrwenzel 37 minutes ago  Professional Digital Artist
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